Pee-Shy

October 28, 2013
Spinelli, a physician, details his sexual abuse at the hands of a scoutmaster when he was 11 and the ways it reverberated in his adult life. Spinelli suffers from paruresis, a phobia in which urinating around others is almost impossible (many victims of sexual abuse are similarly “pee shy.”). When Spinelli discovers that his abuser has been adopting young boys, he makes the decision to expose the man, and confront his own unhappiness. The narrative traces his investigation, and also recreates the incidents of his abuse. Spinelli writes with candor about his phobia, and early chapters document the daily life of a driven, lonely, extremely neurotic gay doctor in upscale Chelsea (Spinelli, an internist, is also the author of The Advocate Guide to Gay Men’s Health and Wellness). Yet Spinelli remains very much the child of working-class Italian parents, and as he begins his quest, and falls in love with a fellow doctor, his prose gains depth and grows less mannered. Spinelli deftly portrays his years as a chubby, awkward adolescent and the complexity of his reaction to the molestation. Spinelli’s refreshing honesty as a protagonist make this memoir an important testament to a reality that is too often concealed by shame or fear.

December 1, 2013
The frank chronicle of a physician recovering from a traumatic childhood stunted by shame. Internist, wellness radio host and public speaker Spinelli (The Advocate Guide to Gay Men's Health and Wellness, 2008) openly shares the harrowing episodes of sexual abuse he endured as a youth and the ripple effect that lasted well into his adult life, until he decided to find closure in his 40s. After fulfilling many of his adult life goals, such as a lucrative private practice, home ownership and a publishing deal, it was a loving gay relationship that proved most elusive for the lonesome author. A particularly nerve-racking blind date with handsome Chad reconfirmed a barrage of neurotic insecurities, including a bizarre bathroom ritual caused by Spinelli's paruresis, a social-anxiety phobia rendering one unable to urinate in the (real or perceived) presence of others. The narrative backtracks to the late 1970s, tracing Spinelli's youth as a chubby Italian boy from Staten Island who, at 11, first met Scoutmaster "Bill," a ruthlessly seductive man who lured several youth into his bedroom for "boy bonding." But his dating life soon takes a back seat to the author's aggressive investigational probe into his molester's history: a pedophilic sociopathic police officer who the author discovered had not only penned a memoir decades earlier, but adopted 15 wayward boys into his home. Their anguished phone confrontations and Bill's resultant trial, conviction and imprisonment make for intensely bracing reading. Spinelli's cleansing confessional becomes the graceful release he'd waited decades to experience. "Closing the door...I caught a glimpse of myself in the beveled glass," writes the author. "There I was. Not some fractured, mirrored reflection of my former self, but me: short, pee-shy, a man able to make the future better than the past." An engrossing memoir about overcoming childhood sexual trauma.

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